In the Silly Season, lists, labels and mock awards reign supreme as columnists, hacks and bloggers scramble to write something, anything, in the news vacuum.
Hey, I know this as much as any other poor sap, I’m one of ‘em.
So, to that end, let’s joyfully enter into the fresh New Year fray and examine who’s who when it comes to The Soundbite Tribes. These are the men and women who regularly fill newspaper columns with quotes, whose soundbites grace our screens and fill the airwaves.
Like any tribe these media practitioners are defined by what they say, how they deliver it and how they look when they do so.
They’re a diverse bunch with different styles and speech patterns. Some are good, most are not.
The “Kick ‘Em In the Guts, Trev” Tribe
This mob don’t beat around the bush. Simple, direct and often outrageous in their comments, they know the value of short, snappy soundbites, sometimes to the point of going overboard and damaging their own reputations. The media love ‘em – they can always be guaranteed to spice up a boring story after all but they’re always walking a fine line, with a strong aptitude for self-implosion.
Members: Billionaire Owen Glenn, Westie MP Paula Bennett, Maori Party’s Hone Harawira, Sensible Sentencing’s Garth McVicar, Sir Robert Jones, Trevor Mallard.
Property tycoon Sir Robert Jones
The “Bore For New Zealand” Tribe
This tribe prefers using ten words when one is already too much. With egos the size of the Tongariro National Park they can drone on for hours in a monotone, dispensing with the need for sleeping tablets. Some are seasoned media performers who know that television interviews have definite, short time-spans. Armed with this knowledge they fill the allotted time thinking they’re avoiding the so-called hard questions, instead squandering an opportunity with nothing more than white-noise on-the-line.
Members: Alliance Party leader Jim Anderton, Act’s Roger Douglas, Christchurch Broadcasting School head Paul Norris, and anyone talking about Climate Change.
Alliance Party Leader, Jim Anderton
The “Proceeding In A Northerly Direction” Tribe
The wooden policeman clan. Along with their other mates in the fire brigade and rescue helicopter these practitioners of the utilitarian soundbite are like some armoured personnel carrier wading it’s way through the media.
Their stilted delivery sounds defensive, as though their words were being weighed up in a court of law, where some of them serve, instead of the court of public opinion. Many see speaking to the media as a necessary but evil part of the job – and it shows.
Members: Various members of the police, fire-brigade and rescue helicopter services too numerous to mention.
The “Fall from Grace” Tribe
The media love these guys. They enjoy social standing but lack self-perception. What’s more, throw a dose of hypocrisy into the mix and the hacks are all through it, like woodworm. The FFG’s usually fail to become part of the debate when doo-doo hits fan, allowing enemies and lovers to have their say unimpeded. Their silence means they then enter the eye of the perfect Media Hurricane where allegations are traded about you and your reputation is torn to shreds.
Members; Former National Party MP Richard Worth, golfer Tiger Woods and a small legion of failed finance company directors.
Golfer Tiger Woods
The “Smooth Operator” Tribe
Otherwise known as The Swan Tribe due to their seemingly effortless gliding on top of the water while avoiding us seeing the frantic paddling feet underneath. This group has strong communications strategies backed up by equally strong messaging.
They seem to answer the hard questions while keeping Relentlessly On Message using a good mix of Head and Heart Messages.
Members: Prime Minister John Key, Air New Zealand CEO Rob Fyfe, Police Association President Greg O’Connor. Telecom’s Paul Reynold’s is getting close to joining the tribe.
Air New Zealand CEO, Rob Fyfe
One things for sure about The Soundbite Tribes – like all of us, their fortunes can change. They can shift tribes according to how they perform.
Happy New Year. May 2010 bring you all the good fortune you deserve.
